A Petition for Recovery

https://www.change.org/saferecovery

Please support our Petition (link above) to bring awareness to the lack of racial diversity as well as other minority groups in the field of Recovery. Many like myself have experienced racism, homophobic hate speech, and more accepted as casual conversation within organizations and institutions designed for our Recovery. Our previous years of our Charity Organization here at the Hollywood and Vine Recovery Center being self-supporting through our own contributions have ceased due to COVID-19 and the restaurant and service industry being our main support. Our members have suffered and a few of us have forgone paying our rent to purchase literature, office supplies, and more for members seeking Recovery.

There is an abundance of government funding available to support our Organization but the amount of money involved in submitting Grant Applications and additional processes is an example of the cyclical process that excludes certain economic, racial, and other demographics from thriving within their communities. Please support our efforts to help more than those who can support through their own contributions.

Gratefully – HVRC

Dr. Montgomery saving the lives of addicts suffering during COVID-19

Printed and Posted with the permission and approval of Dr. Gloria Montgomery, a recovered alcoholic.

“You are not an alcoholic or an addict! You may be still suffering from the disease of alcoholism or addiction, but YOU ARE NOT A DISEASE!” – Dr. Montgomery

Dr. Gloria Montgomery, a licensed psychologist and recovered alcoholic with 62+ years of recovery today, often has to begin helping sufferers (in sobriety and those still suffering in the physical addiction of the disease) mentally separate their spiritual being from the disease afflicting their spirits. This acceptance is the first step to believing in and accepting the solution of Recovery. Today, the fear of change along with financial and economic insecurity is overwhelming and many spirits are suffering and feel forgotten, but there is a solution! Surrendering to a Power that allows us to follow divine and intuitive direction is the answer to ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS. An answer many are seeking during the current state of the world including those suffering with addiction, depression, anxiety, fear, financial terror, grief…we can increase the list ad infinitum.

Dr. Montgomery to the suffering: “If you are allergic to strawberries you don’t go around telling people that you are a strawberry, do you?”

“If you have lung cancer do you go around saying, ‘Hi my name is ________ and I am cancer?’ Well why are you going around talking about you’re an alcoholic?”

“How can you be a disease? You may be suffering from a disease or afflictions from a disease but you, my friend, are NOT your disease!”

Many have to identify as their disease in their fellowship meetings or they will not be accepted but for many out there the journey to spiritual elation, also known as Recovery, begins with the letting go of the shame, guilt, and responsibility for a disease that we are Powerless over. Followed by the acceptance of our spiritual malady (that is insanity) and coming to accept restoration of our spirit is possible with divine help – as we come to believe in the Recovery of those around us. [Hollywood & Vine has virtual Recovery groups as well as individual help so please begin with an email if you need help. This is not a sober fellowship, we have gone much further than abstaining from our addictions – we have recovered and been given the solution to our suffering – no matter what! hollywoodandvinerecovery@gmail.com]

The responsibility of annihilating casualties in life as a result of the disease of addiction and insanity that plagues the sufferer, may be the shame, guilt, and responsibility that so many hold on to every time they affirm they are and always will be this disease. Sentenced to spending a lifetime “working” at the doomed mind and using tools to correct our intuition, staying busy as to never to trust our thinking again.

For those suffering, below are some clips of the Alcoholics Anonymous “Big Book” text that tells us we are not sentenced to a lifetime of alcoholic thinking and emotions. If drugs and alcohol are the sufferer’s problem then abstinence would be the solution. For most that simply is not enough. If those knew how an addict suffered spiritually (mind, body, and soul) they too would need a drink or a drug to feel peace. Seek Recovery – it is the solution – and hold on to the light when it get’s dark. You will be amazed before you are halfway through.

In the Forward (pictured above) when referring to Alcoholism the book states:

 “All have Recovered. They have solved the drink problem.”

“But the ex-alcoholic who has found this solution…”

The words have been read many times, “To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book.” Why are so few people Recovering? and why is it so controversial in “recovery meetings” if you do?

Why does the fear of relapse encourage others to warn the recovered against following God’s direction?

Why do some not have a drink for 30 years but still are an alcoholic doomed never to recover? Why do some reject Recovery as described in the program?

Dr. Montgomery describes what has become of many AA and 12-step fellowships (not all) as becoming:

“… like a jail with open doors and guards saying to the prisoners, ‘YOU’RE FREE.’ With the alcoholic response of, ‘No, I think I will stay a while. You just don’t know how bad I had it and how bad I was…I will always be an alcoholic.’ ” 

“The guard responds with, ‘You are free, there is a solution and people are recovering becoming ex-problem drinkers and ex-alcoholics all over the world. Read this book and see. You were not responsible for your disease and have been set free.’

And the prisoner (with the jail doors wide open) tells the guard, ‘There is no cure. You don’t understand I am going to die an alcoholic. I will be one for the rest of my life.'”

That is an analogy that can bring a chuckle through the tears that may fall when beginning to accept the long awaited freedom from a life-long sentence of suffering.

The text AA members follow in recovery goes on to discuss how they are suggested to identify which does not say as a disease.

“…designating himself instead as a Member of Alcoholics Anonymous.”

Recovery is real. Below are just a few of the many places throughout the book of Alcoholics Anonymous promising the freedom of Recovery from a disease which those suffering from are Powerless over and often succumb to.

This is what the fellowship and program used to be. Over the many decades changes have been accepted and spread exponentially, many are still suffering. You are not alone and you too can Recover when you are ready. You may never feel ready so may as well give it a shot today 🙂

~Hollywood and Vine Recovery Center~

AA meetings directly contradict the text and Truth of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous

There is a program out there, gifted to those afflicted with the disease of alcoholism, that is the answer to ALL of our spiritual suffering. One of the founders of this program, Bill W., had a spiritual experience and was then divinely directed to write the book-titled Alcoholics Anonymous-which has gone on to help so many recover. According to the founders of the program, those of us gifted with recovery are responsible to be there for all of those suffering-especially Alcoholics. One of the many direct contradictions newcomers to our program are experiencing….are there are not many recovered members or ex-problem drinkers left! Only those that can tell you exactly how to manage your physical sobriety with directions that did not come from the “God-consciousness within.” Directions like 90 meetings in 90 days, getting commitments, take a spot check inventory…anything and everything other than the program of Recovery as laid out in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Over the years, changes were approved to bring us even further from Recovery which is why I am so grateful, for the original text and foundation of the program.

This program of Recovery has been condensed down and outright overlooked. To quote Dr. Montgomery “People are joining the fellowship of AA and not surrendering to the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.” Dr. Montgomery has a recovery date today that goes back over 62 years and having had the privilege of attending meetings and working with many of the 12-step recovery founding fathers, Dr. Montgomery continues to spread Recovery through the members of Hollywood and Vine Recovery Center.

One of the things I found hard to overcome was this feeling deep within my innermost self every time I had to identify as an alcoholic even after years of sobriety. You know how people do positive incantations and speak into the positive what they want…positive energy right? At meetings you have to say several times that you are an alcoholic, you have to identify your entire being as the disease that you are suffering from and never transition to verbalizing recovery. To go even further, those of us that have been gifted recovery as stated in the book are met with pitchforks at local southern California aa meetings if we do not say several times that we are alcoholic…told that we must never forget where we came from! What is that and where does that come from?! We are told to ignore what God has done and is doing for us and identify as the disease that is in remission. What fellowship are the newcomers supposed to be attracted to?

I did not know how much it was effecting me until I was brought on my knees in sobriety to the Hollywood and Vine Recovery Center’s founder looking for any relief from my suffering. I was sick and tired of working my program so hard I was exhausted.

One of the first eye openers was Dr. Montgomery notifying me that Bill W. (one of the founders of 12-step recovery) wrote a letter to central office of Alcoholics Anymous asking why people were starting to identify as alcoholics. He went on to state that this disease we are afflicted with does not define who we are and we are to accept the gift of recovery for those of us who had been granted such a gift.

This is a picture of the Foreward to the first edition…which in many ways is the same as the current Forewards being printed.

It was refreshing, I was not the disease that I suffered from more than I was the recovered mind and body that one day at a time I am gifted

It was refreshing, I was not the disease that I suffered from more than I was the recovered mind and body that one day at a time I am gifted. It is okay to accept the recovery that is promised in these pages and to speak the truth when talking about your disease and this was so freeing for me. 

I urge those who have had the spiritual experience brought on as a result of the 12 steps and that live the life of recovery as promised in the Alcoholics Anonymous book, identify in their recovery at meetings or at least as it states in the book with regards to identifying as “…a member of alcoholics anonymous”. Everywhere you go speak the truth of what God as done for you in your life rather than the disease you suffered from. You may want to go even further and look into exactly what recovery is defined as in the book and ask yourself if you are in fact, Recovered.

At least question whether you are suffering from the disease of addiction, afflicted with the disease of addiction…but you are not the disease of addiction! You are your recovery, and for that you are responsible!

Thus, Bill W. was speaking from the same spiritual place that created this spiritual program when he wrote the letter requesting we stop identifying as alcoholics, we do not have to remind ourselves of our disease every time we open our mouths to speak in a room of Alcoholics Anonymous. If that is your group conscience I hope you speak the truth of what God has done in your life more than you remind others of the disease that is or can be arrested as a result of a spiritual experience. 

Alcoholics are not the only people who take life one day at a time as that is all any of us have-we live in the Eternal Now. 

I hope if you find your spirit suffering you seek a spiritual remedy. I have personally experienced this spiritual program remove the suffering of suicidal adolescents, what some have considered outright mental defects, emotionally disturbed individuals, and mostly have seen many sober alcoholics as of recent surrender to recovery before succumbing to relapse. You do not have to find a spiritual solution….simply seek. You may find yourself on the journey the 12 steps will guide you on, a journey to a new freedom and self actualization most will never know. 

With love and light

A member of Alcoholics Anonymous

Mental Health, Alcoholism, and Addiction amid the Corona Virus.

What to do as your cravings, emotions, and triggers come to a head?

Surrender. That is the beginning. A willingness most have never before been able to muster to absolutely let go. For those of us suffering from physical addiction (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction, sexual addiction, eating disorders and food addiction, and more) as well as many mental and emotional disorders-recovery is possible, there is a Solution. You are not alone! During this Covid-19 Pandemic many of you have been given an opportunity to have your delusions of control taken from you and the beauty of it all is there is one who has all Power that is waiting to heal all of your suffering. Financial insecurity has been brought to the surface, our reliance on our therapists, 12-step meetings, whatever peace we thought we had may not be holding up as sh*t hits the fan. We get it.

“An illness of this sort…involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer’s. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment, financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents-anyone can increase the list.” (Taken from the original printing of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous-Chapter 2, There is a Solution)

There is so much silent suffering, guilt, shame, fear, hopelessness, and resentment associated with the disease of addiction which goes far beyond the physical allergy to a substance. In the 12-step program of Recovery alcohol or the substance being abused is only mentioned in the first half of the first step. The other 11.5 steps deal with the emotional and mental disease and emotional disorders that we are just as powerless over. Those of us living in the light of our Recovery are here to help you understand and surrender to being completely Powerless over your disease and there is no amount knowledge, science, medication, or therapy, that can remove from you your suffering. Always remember there is a Solution.

In order to determine whether or not a person is suffering pathologically (relating to emotional, physical, and mental disease), we must answer for ourselves once and for all these three puzzling questions –

  1. What is the disease of addiction and what is a spiritual malady?

   2. Who is an afflicted with the disease of addiction and a spiritual malady?

   3. Am I suffering in and with the disease of addiction or a spiritual malady*?

To get the right answer the prospective member must start this course of direction with:

  1. A willingness to learn and experience their truth.
  2. An open mind. Forget any and all ideas or notions we already have been taught and are holding on to. We must set our opinions aside.
  3. Complete honesty. It is possible – not at all probable-that we may fool somebody else. But we MUST be honest with ourselves, and it is a good time to start being honest with another recovered being.

The 12-steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, spiritual in nature, will cure the suffering of ALL of our afflictions which is why one of the programs founder Bill W. gave the charge to all of us gifted with recovery- that for all those suffering he wanted the hands of AA to be there, especially alcoholics- not only alcoholics. Many changes have occurred within the program that has unfortunately brought a beautiful program to needing to be “sobered up” as Dr. Gloria M. , founder of our Recovery Center with over 62 years of Recovery so appropriately puts it. No matter who you are or why you hurt, if all other methods have failed and you’re ready to be open minded to receiving this spiritual gift, then you are ready. Let go of all ideas, methods, and directions you have been given and be willing to accept divine direction from within. Consider the answers to the following questions:

  1. Do you or have you ever required a drink or outside source of fulfillment in the morning?
  2. Are you uncomfortable when you are alone?
  3. Do you lose time from fulfilling personal goals and responsibilities due to drinking, worrying, fear, or other emotions?
  4. Is your suffering and/or drinking harming those you love in any way?
  5. Is there a definite time daily that you crave relief?
  6. Do you get the inner shakes (restless, irritable, and discontent) unless you get a drink or another form of relief such as a meeting, direction from a sponsor, the next bit of good news, therapy session, or any outside source of fulfillment to ease your suffering?
  7. Has drinking or your emotional and mental afflictions made you irritable?
  8. Has your suffering with your emotions, addictions, fears and mental state of mind made you careless of your family’s welfare?
  9. Have you harmed or neglected loved ones while suffering with your afflictions?
  10. Have your afflictions changed your personality?
  11. Does your afflictions cause you bodily complaints or have negative physical effects?
  12. Are you restless?
  13. Do you have difficulty sleeping?
  14. Have you become more impulsive?
  15. Have you experienced less self-control?
  16. Has your initiative decreased?
  17. Has your ambition decreased?
  18. Have you lost/ or lack perseverance with achieving a goal?
  19. Do you need outside assistance with obtaining social ease?
  20. Do you suffer with feelings of inferiority? Do you use alcohol or an outside substance for self-encouragement?
  21. Do you suffer from feelings of inadequacy?
  22. Has your sexual potency suffered?
  23. Have you shown noticeable dislikes and hatred for things as your suffering continues?
  24. Has your jealousy increased?
  25. Have you experienced noticeable moodiness as a result of your suffering?
  26. Have you experienced a decrease in your efficiency?
  27. Have you become more sensitive?
  28. Have you noticed yourself to be harder to get along with?
  29. Do you notice yourself in environments inferior to your morals and standards?
  30. Is your suffering endangering your health?\
  31. Is your suffering effecting your peace of mind?
  32. Is your suffering making your home life unhappy?
  33. Is your suffering jeopardizing your business or finances?
  34. Is your suffering clouding your reputation?
  35. Is your suffering disturbing the harmony of your life?

Note: The foregoing Test Questions were a guide used by John Hopkins University Hospital in deciding whether a patient is alcoholic and in need of the 12 Steps of Recovery.

What can our spiritual suffering look like?  

  1. Needing to escape from situations of life which one cannot face.
  2. Covering up feelings of a maladjusted personality (including sexual maladjustment).
  3. Developing from social drinking and using to pathological drinking and using.
  4. A symptom of a major abnormal mental state.
  5. A need to escape from a seemingly incurable pain.
  6. Hopelessness and feelings of incurable depression, self-hatred, regret, remorse, or the like.
  7. Experiencing a certain vague restlessness that comes from the friction between your biological and emotional make-up and the ordinary strains and demands of life we give power to.

If, after carefully considering the foregoing with myself or another recovered member of our fellowship, we can fully concede to our innermost selves we are either suffering from the disease of alcoholism/addiction, or we are suffering from a spiritual malady which is the root of our pain and discomfort- then you may be ready to surrender and begin your journey to recovery.

  We ADMIT to our innermost selves that once a person finds themselves living in their powerlessness over their emotions, their finances, their deep and nagging spiritual misery and suffering inside then – from that point on, we are limited to two alternatives:

  1. Total surrender to belief in accepting spiritual help.

OR

2. Chronic suffering with all of the handicaps and penalties it implies. In other words – we have gone past the point where we HAD A CHOICE.

All we have left is a DECISION to make.

After admitting to ourselves that all other methods have not relieved our suffering, not the financial success, meetings, rehabs, detox, self help books, meditation, religion, all of our “working” the 12-steps, and whatever else we have tried has not helped the suffering we find ourselves in.

WE RESOLVE TO AKNOWLEDGE THERE IS A PROBLEM AND TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Ask for help: hollywoodandvinerecovery@gmail.com

Recovery Today

Part 3 of what it was like, what happened, and a real example of what Recovery, including Emotional Recovery is like today.

Everyone has been given a gift to share with the world and I love watching people find, acknowledge, and accept their gift. I have seen so many sift through and ultimately shed the layers of other peoples teachings, opinions, and fears, that have shaped who they are from childhood-it is a beautiful experience to be a part of. Some people are so institutionalized by life and their upbringing that they are not even aware their spirit has been imprisoned. This realization is impactful, then immediately following comes the acceptance that the gates are open and we are free. Free to discover who we are, why we are here, and to surrender to a covenant with the Spirit of the Universe knowing all of your problems and fears have always been, and will always be taken care of. That is what Recovery is like for me today, and can be for you too.

Today my life is a life I never imagined possible-even after years of physical sobriety. As I stopped “working” so hard at the spiritual program of recovery I began to experience it and started to see the magic work in my life, it has been that way for many years. I live on a place some who do not believe recovery is possible call the Hot Pink Cloud. I have been rocketed into a 4th dimension of existence where I face my human emotions with the Power and Strength of a God that delivered me from a hopeless state of mind and body and removed from me the pain and suffering from my emotional and mental disorder. There is a Solution!

With me writing and posting this amidst the COVID-19 (Corona Virus) pandemic, I think that is a good example to show why spiritual recovery is so important. Also what the pain of my emotions being removed looks like today, in this moment in life.

I own a bartending and event staffing business where we specialize in servicing weddings, corporate events, and more. This business was another gift of my recovery as I could no longer stand working in the restaurant industry and suffered at work reguarly, until one day I got fired. A customer complained to corporate bosses about not having a request fulfilled during her party and the manager that made me execute the order that caused the complaint lied to corporate bosses about telling me I could not fulfill this request, and I was fired. I had no resentment against the wrongful termination as God made sure I was so miserable at that job, I knew under the financial fear it was a gift. But, I also had no money and as a server was relying on the tips from the shift I was fired from to pay for gas to get my son to school that week.

I cried on the way to the car after being fired, called some friends I worked with panicked, and was given the thought “ The idea God had given me about a month before, to start my own business with (my mixologist best friend) was God’s answer to my pain.” With trembling hands, I drove to my son’s cooking class as intuitive direction guided me. Shortly after, we booked our first wedding and never looked back. That restaurant was on it’s 3rd round of management and closed shortly after I was fired-became so happy I was deep into working for God by the time that happened.

 I ended up with a part time job right across the street from home, to supplement the new bartending business that felt too good to be true, at a little coffee shop which could not have worked any better. Shortly after I got comfortable, a few months later they decided not to put me on the schedule because I could not commit to full time availability-I found this out on my son’s birthday. Certainly did not feel good but I had already experienced having a job removed from my life and ultimately receiving a business as a result, Clients I learned from and loved, and free time to fulfill my spirits passions, along with many other gifts which include never being late on a bill a bill and having everything I needed and wanted. The worry deep down inside ended up being a realization that brought me to a new level of Recovery.

 The disappointment in the unexpected loss of that 2-3 day a week coffee shop server income brought me to the realization that I spent half of my time outside or in the back while at work talking to Clients for my business. I was so busy totaling the money I lost I was blocking God’s ability to show me how much I was about to earn. I could not have come to this realization on my own, it was because of the surrender to the Spirit of the Universe I experienced on the journey I speak of, that I was able to accept a truth beyond what we can intellectualize.

The circumstances of all foreseeable income for the entire restaurant, bartending, and event staffing industry, coming to a temporary halt due to the corona virus was faced with nothing but the same uncomfortable butterflies in my stomach that always end with a level of peace I did not know existed-a new freedom is revealed when we are awake to the moment. The pain of your emotions can be removed and you then have the freedom to be, without working so hard to control them.

I see an unbelievable amount of confusion and hopelessness as all of the crutches we as humans have been relying on, are being removed from us due to this Public Health Crisis. Especially those that rely on meetings, medications, therapists, and other methods of soothing their spirit’s discomfort. If you too find yourself suffering please email me hollywoodandvinerecovery@gmail.com, recovery is free and you may just need a listening ear to love you while you heal.

I heard Jay-Z in an interview say until we are all free, none of us are free-something along those lines if not a direct quote. That is absolutely true for my spirit, I do not enjoy life running about with all the peace, joy, and freedom of being recovered in mind, body, and soul, when I see all relapse, ineffective mental health medications, hopeless humans, and silent suffering. God fulfills the desire of my spirit, and I accept today so when I was appointed Director of Operations of the Hollywood and Vine Center for Recovery- I knew I had a chance to share this #recovered movement with a world suffering in hopes that we all become free.

At the Hollywood and Vine Recovery Center, you will be guided down the same spiritual path that has led millions to much more than a sober life, Recovery is possible and there is a Solution. A path that will embark a journey as personal and as individual as our fingerprints. No two humans have the same fingerprint and none of us have the same spirit, therefore, your journey through recovering from a hopeless state of both mind and body will look as different as we were created. No matter how dark it may get, hold on to the light, you just may be experiencing the spiritual suffering needed to muster a willingness you have never before been able to muster to save your life and uncover and get to know your true self.

When all things human fail, detox centers, therapy, medication, money, poverty, love, success,…we can increase the list ad infinitum, it is not a time to give up hope, but a time to accept the hopelessness of relying on anything other than the Power that dwells within us.

May God bless you and keep you until then.

A member of the Hollywood and Vine Recovery Movement!

#Recovered 🙂

From the Top of the Runway…

A member’s journey to Recovery in 3 stages, what it was like-what happened- and what it’s like now.

What HAPPENED

I ran from the pain of my Powerlessness and continued to manage and control my sobriety with all the “things” I was doing while teaching others to do the same-and was being praised for it within my sober circle as a woman with dignity and grace. I wanted to feel good and believe it was all actually working, but I was just as miserable as I was when I was modeling and everything on the outside was perfect. Once again I found myself screaming inside.

It was then I began to Recover. All things human failed me, left and right, and I found no relief from my suffering when I looked outward. I felt worse when I went to my local A.A meetings, therapists, my sober circle, my sponsor, more commitments, less commitments, I could increase the list ad infinitum and still there was no relief. I began a very personal surrender, conceding to my innermost self, and I ceased fighting everyone and everything. I stopped following everyone’s direction for my life and began to experience the suffering I never stopped running from all the years of my being.

I cried with a sober best friend, binged watched shows like Greys Anatomy, gained more weight than my body could comfortably carry, laughed until my stomach hurt, cried until the tears dried up for each event/feeling I mourned, I slept, trusted God, and talked about how I felt both to God and Spiritually Recovered people God had passing through my life during this journey. I simply continued to ask for help and followed intuitive direction from a Power that created me, loved me, and had the Knowledge and Power to fulfill the God-given desires of my spirit -once I was ready to accept them.

I received many messages from those that loved me in sobriety suggesting I get to a meeting as soon as possible or I was going to get drunk, but every day when I asked God “what next ?” the answer was “don’t you run and hide in a meeting” followed by another divine suggestion I followed. I had done everything everyone told me for many years; my mother and family that raised me, society, teachers, friends, agents, my fears guided me, sponsor direction, fear of relapse told me what to do, I could also increase this list ad infinitum. None of that worked when the low spots came. I never picked up a drink because God had removed the obsession from me so it was not a thought, but I was absolutely miserable, hopeless, and felt condemned to a life of working at my emotions with breaks in between. So, I was done.

I began to see the lack of recovery around me in meetings, but I remained to pray- it is all I have ever known praying to a God I may or may not have believed in at that point in my journey. I asked God for help and did what I wanted/was directed to do. I did not know that this was me experiencing Steps 1,2, and 3 rather than the intellectual knowledge of the steps I worked at acquired over the years, but I knew it felt different.

Following Gods direction brought me to Dr. Gloria Montgomery founder of the Hollywood and Vine Recovery Center, who with over 62 years of recovery, guided me through experiencing 12 steps spiritual in nature-in their original form. On this journey I safely experienced trusting and following the intuitive direction of the Power that had been taking care of me my whole life. I was recovering.

Accepting I was Powerless over my emotions, my sobriety, my recovery, my misery, my future, fulling my spirits purpose, my finances, my child, my child’s suffering, and everything else, was the first step. For me, this realization was pain that was unimaginable without the immediate relief of the Step that follows, a pain I love hearing Dr. Montgomery refer to as “Spiritual Surgery.” Coming to believe in a Power greater than me that could and would restore me to sanity that is Step 2. Experiencing coming to believe,again, as I was recovering did not feel like anything I had ever experienced before in sobriety.

I spent a lot of time with recovered spirits, those who knew without a doubt that everything they would go through in life they would not only be safely carried through but it was for their greater good. They were living examples of facing unpleasant emotions and circumstances with the peaceful Power of their Recovery, handling those situations that once baffled us with divine intuitive direction.  I spent time while Coming to Believe (several years sober at this point) with those who shared with me their experience with holding on to the light in spite of how dark it gets, and experiencing all of this at a time when I was able to receive and accept the truth of the experience was a certain kind of coincidence only a Power greater than me could have orchestrated.


Once I Came to Believe in life, I experienced an exhale of so much pain and weight as hope was restored. I felt the pain of mourning my delusions of power and control begin to subside and I was then able to continue follow the intuitive direction I surrendered to on the next step, Step 3. For the first time in life I followed a direction that was not to accomplish some goal I expected to fix a problem, but a direction given intuitively from a Power within that I was happy but skeptical to trust. I began to experience that Power that works in us and through us, each and every one of us.


I continued to experience the Power that lies within each step, including the emotional recovery that happened to me as a result of experiencing steps 6 & 7, for those familiar with the journey. Living in the light of my recovery today is a gift from God through the Spiritual Experience that happened to me as a result of a 12-step experience I trudged, spiritual in its foundation. I have been safely carried through that painful place where I became entirely ready and you will too. I live a life of emotional recovery where the pain of my human emotions has been removed from me and as more is revealed every day, the same constant remains that God is not only carrying me through but everything (the good and the sometimes seemingly bad) is all for my Greater Good. My spirit is free. Although there may be many differences, if my suffering sounds like your suffering you can recover too. No matter who you are or why you hurt, you may be ready to surrender to The Truth of who you are and the desires of your spirit.

Email hollywoodandvinerecovery@gmail.com for help.

What It’s like now

Coming Soon!